It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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