Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
