I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
