"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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