Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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