every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
