your parents love me but you hate me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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