She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize