I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
