D3 body, D1 cock
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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