She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
