Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
