I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize