i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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