i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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