This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Houston, we have a blender
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
