kristin has been a bad kristin
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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