he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize