I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
