dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
