I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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