i think i scared a bird with my dick
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
