I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
