dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
