Me too!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
