I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I looked at my own cervix.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
