the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
