Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
