is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
