it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
