i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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