At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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