i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
