hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
