It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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