Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
