Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
