as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
