Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
