Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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