What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
