My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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