Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
