the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
