We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
