i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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