toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
