He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
