so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As shirtless as possible
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
