The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
