She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize