I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
