To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
