I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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