My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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