I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
