matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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