Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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