Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize