Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
