To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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