i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
