I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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