True but thats because hes a fetus.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
