my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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