my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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