PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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