he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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