Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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