He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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