I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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