who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
