so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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