Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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