There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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