Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
