I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
