i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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