Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Enjoy the penises
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
