when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
