Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
