I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
