Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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